


Spoken Thoughts

by TheLastMelody



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Angst, Emma-Lucy Pond, F/M, Love, Made up character, Melody Pond - Freeform, Riveleven, Sadness, TARDIS - Freeform, eleventh doctor - Freeform, river song - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-01
Updated: 2014-10-01
Packaged: 2018-02-19 12:01:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2387564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLastMelody/pseuds/TheLastMelody
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor and his daughter get into a fight, and the Echo of The Doctor's late wife appears to comfort him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spoken Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this story a while back, I really hope you like it! I do not own the characters, except for Emma-Lucy Pond, she was made up. The rest of the characters belong to the BBC.

“This is all your fault.” Emma said.

“No, it isn’t.” The Doctor replied, messing with the console. The TARDIS had, once again, died…well, not died, more a sort of sleep…thing. At least that’s what The Doctor called it. “cannot help the fact that The Old Girl is out of power, not my fault, just a slight inconvenience. But, we’ll fix it, we always do. And what’s time travel without a little inconvenience every now and then?”  
“But it is your fault.” Emma continued, arms crossed over her chest. “If you had not pushed the wrong buttons, we’d be just fine!” She ran a hand through the curly mass of hair, just like her mother’s.

“I said it before, and I’ll say it again.” The Doctor told his daughter, looking up from the console. “I did _not_ push the wrong buttons, it is not my fault.”

“It _is_.” His daughter replied.

“Is not.”

“Is too!” Emma exclaimed, shooting her father an angry look.

“Gallifrey, Ems!” The Doctor raised his voice a bit and returned the angry look. His daughter’s eyes were the colour of her mother’s, but the Scottish fire burning in them was definitely one she got from her grandmother. So much of River with a little touch of Amy, a mix that hurt his soul every time he looked at her. A reminder of how much he had failed his family. “Why do you have to be so much like-“ He cut himself off, looking away from her and sighing.

“Like who?” Emma asked, chin held high, visibly cross and not planning on letting him get away that easily.

“Oh shut up, never mind.” The Doctor mumbled. “Gotta get The Old Girl running again.” He turned to the console again and soniced it, trying to see what was wrong.

“Like _who_ ?” Emma asked again, slamming her fist down on the console.

The Doctor jumped, he hadn’t seen her this cross since she found out about River’s death and about him not stopping her from walking straight into her own grave.

“Like mum?” she asked. “Because, spoilers, Wonderboy, I am nothing like her! Oh no, I won’t get stuck with a Madman inside a stupid spaceship, unhappy for the rest of my days. I won’t fail at my purpose in life and I will certainly NOT fail at saving myself!”  
“Don’t you dare!” The Doctor yelled, staring angrily into her eyes, the eyes that reminded him so much of two people who had saved his life. Two women who had completely changed him. “ Don’t you dare to speak of your mother like that!”

“Oh, I am just speaking your thoughts out loud now.” Emma replied, scarily calm. “Because, I know what you think. You hate her for being who she was. You hate the fact that she always knew everything better. You hate how she pulled you along into this mess called life, you hate how she always caused trouble, that she gave you me. And most of all, you hate her for dying on you.” She paused for a moment, to catch her breath and blink away the tears in her eyes. “You just hate all of her, you always have.”  
The Doctor was speechless for a moment, opening his mouth as if wanting to say something, but closing it again, not able to find the words to reply.

“So, the Oncoming Storm is finally silent. Great, more time for me to talk. You think she failed? Well, newsflash, you’re wrong. The only one who is a failure here, is you.” Emma sat down in one of the chairs around the console. “Do you know why you’re so alone all the time? Because you affect the people around you so much that they either leave, die, get lost or forget about your existence entirely. You are a danger to your surroundings. You find people and just decide to take them away. And the worst part is, they love it! They don’t mind in the slightest. And this is where it gets tricky, because they get attached to you and are drawn to you like bees to honey, though they should be running from you as fast as they possibly can. But they don’t, of course they don’t. And then it’s too late.” She paused for a moment, looking around the console room, purposely avoiding her father’s watering eyes. “Them being with you isn’t even the worst part. What makes it dangerous is that they feel the need to impress you. You’re so fantastical and amazing that they feel like they have to prove their worthiness to you, to show they are worth being in the presence of the Great Time Lord. And do you mind? No, you don’t! You just let them! You bring them in even more danger than they already were and all for your own entertainment. Everything so the Madman won’t get bored. You say you care for your companions. Mum, Amy, Rory, Donna, Martha, Rose etcetera. But the thing is, you don’t. All you care for is yourself. You. You’re nothing special, you’re just a grumpy, selfish old madman, enjoying the company of the young. You’re horrible. And I’ve always known it.” Emma’s eyes were cold, distant. Nothing but disgust showing on her face. She had meant every word she had said.

The Doctor was unable to reply, stunned by her hurtful words. Because what she had said about him, about how he was, except the part about River, and what he’d all done wrong, were his thoughts exactly.

“People talk about you like you’re famous, fantastic, a God. The Oncoming Storm. But really, you’re just a pathetic old man. Lonely, trying to find a place to hide from time. Trying to fit in this big, old universe.” Emma finished.

The Doctor took a deep breath. “You think I don’t know all that?” He said with clenched teeth. “You think I do not know who I am and what I’m worth?” He turned around to face his daughter. “You think I don’t know how many people I lost and all the hurt I caused during my time in this universe?! Believe me, Emma-Lucy, I know that! Better than you think!”

“Do you?” She asked.” If you do, why do you keep stealing people away? Why do you keep taking companions with you, knowing that they’ll get hurt in the end? Knowing that you’re a danger to their continuing existence. Knowing that they’re more likely to die than survive?”

“I…” The Doctor started, a lump had appeared in his throat. The pain of guilt and loss too big. “I don’t know.” He said, his voice barely a whisper.

“Well, you better figure it out, because I’m done.” Emma stood up from her chair. “Bring me home.” She walked off to her room, hiding the tears burning in her eyes.

\------------------------------------------************************------------------------------------------------

The Doctor slumped down in a chair, head in his hands, tear stained cheeks. How could he be so selfish. How could he be so self-centered. Bringing the people he loved most into so much danger, causing so much hurt.

“I never meant to, River.” He whispered. “I never meant to hurt you. I never meant for you to die. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”  
“I know, sweetie. I know.”

The sound of his late wife’s voice made his hearts ache even more, forever in a state of grief and guilt. The familiar warm touch of her hand against his cheek. Her almost crossing the line between life and death. Almost, but never entirely. Never fully back to life.

The Doctor looked up to see the Echo of his wife standing close to him. River, in all her glory and beauty. For a moment she seemed alive, like she had finally returned to the world of the living. The Doctor had to remind himself, that no, it’s not really her. Not really his Melody.

River kneeled in front of the chair he was sat on so she was at eye level with him. She smiled, but not with her eyes. Her eyes were sad, worried, as always. She wiped away his tears. “Of course you never wanted this to happen, but it did, it had to. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this from happening, my love.”

“I could’ve tried.” The Doctor replied, holding her hand, running circles over with back with his thumb, like he’d done when she had been alive.

“It was a fixed point in time.”

“Time can be rewritten, River.”

“Not always, dear, not always.” River sighed and stood up, turning to the TARDIS’ console. “All the days we spent here…”  
The Doctor rose up from the chair and stood behind his wife, wrapping his arms around her waist. “Was it worth it?” he asked.  
“Worth what?”  
“The pain, the suffering. “  
“I never suffered.” River replied.  
“You know what I mean…” The Doctor whispered. “All those days in StormCage, the waiting, lying to your parents…dying…”

River turned around to face him, her back against the console, a loving smile on her lips. “For this,” she gestured around her to the TARDIS. “For you,” she held her husband’s hand and gently pulled him closer. “For just one more adventure, I’d do it all over again.”

The Time Lord smiled down at the woman he loved most in the universe. “River Song, Melody Pond, my Bespoke Psychopath.” He said. “What would I do for just one more day with you…” he sighed “Anything, my dear, anything for you.”

He leaned in and kissed her. And she kissed him back, but it was never the same as when they had both been alive and breathing. Never again would there be the beating of their hearts in sync, never again the wave of energy, like electricity when their lips met. Never again the feeling that for once the universe, this big, messy, old, complicated and illogical world they lived in, made any kind of sense. For just that one moment. It was never the same, but any moment they had with one another was a moment they’d cherish and remember for eternity.

In the end it was River who pulled away from him, looking down and biting her lip. The Doctor, knowing his wife, saw the first signs. She had to leave, and this was always the way she acted right before announcing it. He just held her close, her head against his chest, knowing she couldn’t bear to say it, not again. Not again telling him goodbye, not again telling him it was time to depart. The Doctor knew that every moment in his world was a moment of pain for her spirit. It took much energy for her to stay as long as she had.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered.

“Don’t be, my dear. It’s fine. I know it hurts.” The Doctor told her, trying to make her feel a little better and kissing the top of her head.

“I love you.”

The Doctor swallowed, the lump in his throat taking away the ability to speak properly. “I love you too.” He replied, his voice barely audible.

River looked up at her husband, putting a hand on his cheek. “I’ll see you again.”

“Looking forward to it.” The Doctor took a step back from her.

“Talk to her.” River said, meaning Emma. The Doctor nodded in response. “Good, I guess it’s time for me to leave…” She said with a sigh.

“Okay…” The Doctor let go of her hand and sighed as well, taking one last good look at the woman in front of him and felt proud to be able to call her his wife. “See you around, Professor River Song.”

“Till the next time, sweetie.” River replied before disappearing again, the sad look in her eyes seared into the Doctor’s soul.

 

\-----------------------------------------------********************----------------------------------------------

 

The Doctor stood there for a while, staring at the place River had just disappeared from. She was gone, but her energy was still in the air, like and echo of her presence. He decided to try to fix the TARDIS before talking to Emma.

The Doctor walked down to where all the wires connected to the console came together, looking for the broken one that caused the TARDIS to shut down. After a while of looking through the tangled mess of wires the Doctor sighed and sat down in the swing where he normally sat in when repairing the Time Machine. Now he just stared ahead with a frown on his face.

“Stupid wire.” He mumbled to himself. “Sorry Idris, don’t know how to fix it. River would’ve known, River always knew.” The TARDIS made a noise that could be interpreted as either understanding or sad. “I know, I know.” The Doctor replied, patting the TARDIS for a bit. “I miss her as well…” The TARDIS made a sighing noise and the Doctor jumped out of the swing, running upstairs again.

He looked at the monitor and frowned. “Idris, what’s wrong, Sexy?” The TARDIS groaned and the Doctor flipped a few switches and pulled a lever, shutting her down completely. “Rest for a little, Old Girl.” He walked off to Emma’s room, waited for a moment and then knocked on the door. “Emma?” he called. No answer. “Ems, can I come in dear?” When his daughter again did not answer The Doctor ignored the privacy rules and used his sonic to open the door. Emma was seated in a chair, headphones on, sketchbook on her lap. She looked up when she noticed her father standing in the doorway.

“What’s wrong?” Emma asked, concerned due to the look on The Doctor’s face. She put her headphones off and stood up, dropping the sketchbook on the ground, which fell open and showed the drawing of a Dalek she had been working on.

“Nothing…you didn’t answer…” The Doctor replied, trying to sound calm. “I thought something might have happened to you…”

“Erm…no, I’m fine…” Emma mumbled.

And awkward silence fell. The Doctor looked at the ground and Emma looked at anything but her father.

“Emma, I’m sorry.” The Doctor said, breaking the silence.

“I know.” Emma replied. “I know you didn’t mean to do it all. It just sort of happened….I’m sorry as well, I shouldn’t have said those nasty things to you…”She looked up at her father and tried to smile a bit.

“No, it’s okay, you were right.” The Doctor insisted, walking over to Emma and hugging her. “You were so right, I am selfish and I know that. But the people I love most keep telling me not to travel alone, because I’ll go mad every time I’m alone for too long.”

The Doctor kissed the top of his daughter’s head. “And I try to protect my companions, Ems, I do, honestly. But as you just pointed out, I’m quite a big failure, as I lose everyone I love, however hard I try to keep them safe."

“You’re not a failure dad.” Emma assured him, her voice muffled due to the hugging. “You’re the bravest person I know. And yes, you’ve lost many souls, many people. But that is nothing compared to all the lives you saved.”

The Doctor closed his eyes, holding back another wave of tears. “Thank you, Emma.”

“That’s okay.” Emma replied, pulling out of the hug. “Let’s fix the TARDIS now, shall we?”

The Doctor smiled at his daughter. “Yes, let’s do that, great idea.” He followed Emma to the console room. Where she kneeled next to the console and put back a plug she had pulled out earlier.

“You-“ The Doctor started.

“Yes, yes I know. I just wanted to see your face, but then we fought and all…sorry…” Emma looked down.

“You little Dalek.” The Doctor laughed, messing up Emma’s hair with his hand. “So much like your mother."

Emma laughed as well and stood on one side of the console and the Doctor on the other. “Ready?” he asked her.

“Let’s roll.” Emma replied, smiling. “Three.”

“Two.” Her father continued.

“One.”

“Geronimo!” The Doctor exclaimed. He and Emma both pulled levers and pressed buttons, sending the TARDIS into the Time Vortex, off to another adventure.

 

\--------------------------------------------------**********************------------------------------------------

 

River’s echo stood hidden in the shadows, smiling at her husband and daughter.

The Doctor looked over his shoulder at his wife, smiling in her direction.

“You forgot the stabalisers.” River pointed out.

“The what?” The Doctor asked in a soft voice.

“The stabalisers.”she sighed when he still didn’t understand. “The blue switches.” She explained while shaking her head and smiling fondly at him.

The Doctor looked at the console and spotted the TARDIS-blue switches. “You mean the Boringers?” he asked.

River walked over to him, fully aware that Emma couldn’t see her and was looking at her father as if he was mental. River flipped the switches, standing close to her husband, close enough to feel the warmth of his body. The Doctor’s cheeks had flushed a bit, feeling slightly uncomfortable as all he wanted to do was take his wife in his arms and kiss her, but Emma was in the room so he couldn’t.

“The stabalisers, sweetie. Not Boringers, stabalisers.” River smiled and knew he felt uncomfortable and totally enjoyed his clumsy way of hiding it.

“Those just make it boring.” He replied.

“They make the flying a lot easier, my love.”

“Dad, who are you talking to..?” Emma asked slowly, questioning her father’s mental health.

“Erm, no one dear.” The Doctor assured his daughter, snapping out of River’s charm. “Just me, silly old Doctor.” He said smiling.

“Okay…” Emma replied, looking around her to see if someone was there. “What about Paris, French Revolution.” She suggested.

“Great choice.” The Doctor said with that child-like excitement and that boyish grin on his face. Emma sent the TARDIS to France.

“So, I’m no one?” River asked, trying to tease her husband. “Make sure she doesn’t get shot, okay? Revolutions aren’t the safest place.”

“I will dear.” The Doctor mumbled. Blushing even more as River winked at him.

He tried to focus on Emma as she landed the TARDIS. “Now Emma-Lucy Pond, the French Revolution, lovely time, really. Well, apart from the whole Revolution-part.” The Doctor rambled.

Emma giggled and followed her father to the doors.

“Bye, sweetie.” River said to the Doctor as he and Emma left the Blue Box. A few seconds later the doors flew open again and Emma rushed inside. “Yes dad, just grabbing my jacket!” she called out to her father.

“Okay, okay, quickly then!” he yelled back from outside over the sound of gun shots. Emma ran to the chair and grabbed the leather jacket from a chair next to where River stood. She watched her daughter with a loving smile, knowing for a fact that the jacket had belonged to Amy.

Just before Emma left the TARDIS she turned around, smiling in her mother’s direction. “Bye mum.” she said, before running outside, closing the doors behind her.


End file.
